Lost Letters to the Easter Bunny

Dear Mr. Easter Bunny, My mom said I should write another letter to you because I don’t like the way she answers my questions. Question #1—Are you real, Mr. Easter Bunny? My mom says, “What does your heart tell you?” My heart tells me that giant bunnies are terrifying, even if they’re dressed in pastel…

Excerpts from Yet Another Rejected Romance Novel: Annabelle’s Cure

Sometimes it’s fun to write satirical, awful-on-purpose fiction, especially romance, fantasy, and sci-fi. It makes me laugh. “Serious” romance novels often make me laugh, too. Fifty Shades of Grey, for example, is a laugh riot.   Here are my favorite excerpts from yet another unpublished romance novel—last one, I swear!—by my BFF/alter ego, Michelle Grebo,…

Excerpts from Another Rejected Romance Novel: He Was More Hillbilly Than Vampire

“Katie had always wanted to date a vampire.”  When I read that opening line in Michelle Grebo’s 132nd unpublished romance novel, He Was More Hillbilly Than Vampire, I knew I was in for a treat.  I don’t usually enjoy paranormal romances, but Michelle was thoughtful enough to name the main character—a shy, potentially impotent vampire—after…

Excerpts from a Rejected Romance Novel

(Unpublished Masterpieces and Other Tragedies) I have always been interested in the lives of other writers, and the lives of the stories and poems they create. Some of their creations flourish in e-book form on Amazon, or find tangible, paper homes on a Barnes & Noble bookshelf; some hide in the large-print sections of libraries.…

Fill-in-the-Blank Valentine’s Day Love Poem

For Lazy or Uninspired Men to Give Their Girlfriends or Wives Looking for the perfect way to say “I love you” to your significant other this Valentine’s Day? Maybe you’re too broke to buy a decent Hallmark card. Maybe your identity was recently stolen and you’ve sworn off all online-shopping. Well, at least you’re smart…

M.O.O.C.H. Holds Annual Pre-Halloween Meeting, Discusses “Is It Immoral to Steal Halloween Candy from Our Children?”

Mothers of Obnoxious Candy Hoarders (M.O.O.C.H.) met last Monday in Shawnee, Kansas, to prepare for Halloween. Rachel Sanders, 34, and her best friend, Amy Jarvis, 32, founded M.O.O.C.H. in 2015 to save their children from the harmful physical and psychological side effects of eating too much candy. “All that sugar shouldn’t be inflicted on our…