Grinchy Christmas Musings and a Holiday Party to Remember

I was looking forward to impressing all of you with a heartfelt blog about how I found my Christmas spirit this year. Grinch No More! Maria the Reformed Elf Welcomes her 40th Christmas with a Renewed Sense of Peace and Love for All Humanity! Ah, if only. I don’t know what it will take to…

Star Wars: The Last Jedi – Introduction to Another Creepy Love Story?

Star Wars: Episode VIII Movie Review — Are Rey and Kylo Ren (Ben Solo) Destined to Become Tragic Lovers? Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Star Wars: Episode VIII—whatever you want to call it—opened last week and has already made a gazillion-jillion-quillion dollars, and your geeky best friends have already seen it five times, at least.…

Where Did Mommy Hide My Christmas Presents?

A Guide for Curious Children Hi, kids! I’m very sorry to hear that you haven’t been able to find your hidden Christmas presents. Moms and dads are so annoying. Don’t you hate how they leave you with a boring babysitter and go shopping for hours and hours, and then hide your new stuff while you’re…

More Drabble, Less Babble

Reflections on My First Month of Blogging Hooray! My blog baby, Popcorn and Pigtails (Poppy Pig? Piggy Pop?), is one month old! Awww, she’s so cute and tiny and clueless, but sometimes she smiles at me, and I swear it isn’t gas. I am thrilled to have this itty-bitty space—a little room of my own…

Zach’s Seven Easy Steps to Ferrari Ownership

How My 8-Year-Old Son Plans to Buy a Ferrari When He Turns 16 “Will you be really proud of me when I get a Ferrari?” my eight-year-old son asked me the other day. In typical motherly fashion, I replied, “I’ll be proud of you no matter what kind of car you drive.” But I was…

How Do You Rate on the F.R.I.E.N.D. Scale? Fitting Room Intelligence, Etiquette, and (In)Decency

This is not a warm and fuzzy friendship quiz. This is a hilarious rant cleverly disguised as a lighthearted personality inventory. Think for a moment: The last time I was out trying on clothes in a department store fitting room, how did I behave? Keep track of your answers to the following statements, or scroll…

Are You Really Ready to Marry a Star Wars Geek?

I’ve been married to a Star Wars geek for seventeen years now. Before you tie the knot with a man who daydreams about lightsaber duels, wears Boba Fett T-shirts, and has a dog named “Salacious Crumb,” here are some important things to consider. Where will all his Star Wars stuff go? Is your boyfriend an…

The Unexpected Perks of Parenthood

Breakfast in Bed, Halloween in July, and More My kids are generous to a fault. They never stop giving me unforgettable gifts. Never! For my birthday, my kids made me the cutest, sweetest birthday cards, and they sang “Happy Birthday” to me before I was even out of bed. How nice! Little did I know that…

Detective Mom and the Case of the Missing Shoe

1:27 P.M.  Mom notices that one of her daughter’s pink-and-white tennis shoes is still missing.  She knows exactly where she found the other shoe yesterday, so she rechecks the area behind the laundry basket in the master bedroom.  Mom gets down on her hands and knees to peer under the dresser, instantly transforming into Detective Mom.…

M.O.O.C.H. Holds Annual Pre-Halloween Meeting, Discusses “Is It Immoral to Steal Halloween Candy from Our Children?”

Mothers of Obnoxious Candy Hoarders (M.O.O.C.H.) met last Monday in Shawnee, Kansas, to prepare for Halloween. Rachel Sanders, 34, and her best friend, Amy Jarvis, 32, founded M.O.O.C.H. in 2015 to save their children from the harmful physical and psychological side effects of eating too much candy. “All that sugar shouldn’t be inflicted on our…